Team Fortress 2: Phone Chats
by Shadeywind
Summary: This is what happens when the Team Fortress 2 gang gets phones. They pretty much make chaos through text as well as in real life...
1. EVERYONE GETS PHONES

~ Group Chat Created By Scout~

Scout: Hey Fellas

Demoman: HJCFBJKDSBKJ

Scout: Demo u drunk bro?

Spy: Scout, what is this nonsense?

Scout: a group chat

Miss Pauling: Can you all not? I'm trying to do some jobs for admin here!

Administrator: It doesn't seem like u r doing jobs, Miss Pauling.

Miss Pauling: CRAP

~Miss Pauling left the chat~

Soldier: YOU ARE ALL MAGGOTS

Spy: -3-

Soldier: SPY YOU ARE A FRENCH MAGGOT

Demoman: JFEFKEFJEFJHEFUGFDSJJH

Soldier: DEMO YUU ARE A ONE-EYED CROSS DRESSER

Sniper: you*

Soldier: SHUT UP KANGAROUOU MAGGOT

Sniper: Kangaroo*

Spy: I am surprised you can correct those mistakes, bushman. After all, it doesn't seem like you have any manners.

Sniper: Shut up, you bloody bogan.

Scout: o.o wut have I created

Sniper: What*

Scout: don't correct meh fancy pants!

Sniper: You didn't learn to spell in Boston, did ya Scout?

Scout: ...

Spy: I have to agree with you there, Jarman.

Sniper: shut up, you can't speak. You banging his mother.

Scout: SPY IS DOIN WUTa?!

Demo: HADWGUJRSKKNHWIFE4KJDSOI

Sniper: Doing*

Sniper: what*

Scout: MAAAAA! I WILL SAVE YOU!

~ Scout left the group chat~

Spy: did you really have to announce my sex life on here?

Sniper: yeah mate.

Spy: go to hell then.

Pyro: HUDDA HUH!

Demo: KJSGJHFBKELHFEWKS

Medic: Vhy does Pyro type mumbles?

Sniper: why do you type your accent?

Medic: ...

Medic: I AM ZE UBERMENSCH

~ Medic left the group chat~

Sniper: see you all later. I gotta find my Koala.

Spy: And I have gno-business to attend to...

~ Sniper left the group chat~

~ Spy left the group chat~

Soldier: U WILL STAY AND ACT LIKE THE MAGGOTS YOU ARE

Heavy: O.O


	2. Scout-Sniper PM (1)

~ 7pm Tuesday~

Sniper: SCOUT WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU DONE WITH KELLY?!

Scout: who's kelly dude?

Sniper: MY FUCKING KOALA MATE!

Scout: Ohhhh...wait...its name is kelly...

Sniper: Yeah...

Scout: BAHAHAHAHAHA! WTF! XD I AM DIEING!

Sniper: Dying*

Scout: Yeah yeah wutever

Sniper: Whatever*

Sniper: Anyways, where the fuck is she?

Scout: I dunno

~ Scout added Spy~

Scout: SPY! SNIPES HAS A KOALA NAMED KELLY!

Spy: What? That is...

Sniper: ...

Spy: HILARIOUS! HAHAHAHA!

Scout: I kinda imagine you snortin while laughin at da moment

Sniper: the*

Scout: STAPH

Sniper: Stop*

Spy: Thank you, Scout. You have made my evening.

~ Spy has left the chat~

Sniper: I am gonna put a bullet in your brain, mate.

Scout: yeah yeah dude

Sniper: -3-

Scout: o3o


	3. Another group chat

~ Group Chat Created by Scout~

Spy: not again...

Sniper: -3-

Scout: Found kelley yet~

Sniper: Kelly*

Sniper: and not yet.

Spy: hahaha Kelly...

Sniper: I will kill you both!

Medic: who is Kelly?

Sniper: No one!

Scout: His Koala toy

Spy: Sniper's teddy.

Medic: oh...wow...childish much herr Sniper?

Sniper: now I gotta kill Medic too.

Miss Pauling: aw Sniper has a teddy! That is so cute! And that is definitely something to not be embarrassed about! :)

Sniper: Eh, thanks Miss P.

Scout: MISS PAULING I HAVEA LOTTA TEDDIES!

Sniper: Have*

Sniper: lot of*

Miss Pauling: Cool Scout...

Scout: I got so many I cant even count dem

Sniper: them*

Spy: This is amusing.

Demoman: AYE EVERYONE

Spy: Demo finally sobered up. This is shocking.

Spy: hey Demoman, guess what I have that you don't.

Demo: WAT

Sniper: what*

Spy: A functioning liver and depth perception!

Scout: dat was suposed to be funy?

Sniper: that*

Sniper: supposed*

Sniper: funny*

Engineer: Hey Y'all

Sniper: All*

Engineer: Sniper, that is how I speak.

Sniper: Don't do it in a group chat, mate.

Engineer: don't push me, son. Now stop correctin' everyone.

Spy: Sniper vs Engie...This could be interesting.

Scout: IM GUNNA DRAW A PICTURE OF DAT!

Scout: BRB

Sniper: I'm*

Sniper: Gonna*

Sniper: That*

~ Engineer has muted Sniper for 5 minutes [ Reason: Spamming]~

Spy: You are admin?

Engineer: Miss P said I was the only one of you all who could be trusted with administrating over our chat.

Administrator: Only when I am away, Mr Connagher.

Engineer: o.o

Engineer: Uh...hi mam.

Spy: oh god...the voice is here.

~Engineer has kicked Administrator [ Reason: Spamming]~

Engineer: I'm gonna be in trouble for this, aren't I?

Miss Pauling: Oh...Engie...you poor soul...


	4. Scout-Spy PM 1

~ 1am ~

Scout: I CANT BELIEVE YOU ARE FREAKIN SLEEPIN WITH MY MA!

Spy: Its not that hard to believe, boy.

Scout: IM GONNA KILL YOU

Spy: keep dreaming, Scout.

Scout: I WILL GET SNIPES TO HELP ME

Spy: he does not like you at the moment.

Scout: WHY?

Spy: Because we mocked him

Spy: and stop typing in caps please.

Scout: fine

Scout: but seriously doe

Scout: leave my ma alone!

Spy: awwww, but she likes it when I touch her~

Scout: GRRRR

~ Engineer hacked his way into the chat~

Engineer: I just wanna tell ya'll. I am makin meat loaf for tonight.

Scout: o.o

Scout: how da hell Engie?

Spy: o.o

Engineer: I dunno, I was bored and I saw you two were having a lovely chat.

Scout: ummmmmm

Spy: ahem.

Spy: Nice chatting with you Scout

~ Spy has left the group chat~

Scout: I cant wait for u to make ur meatloaf Engie

Engineer: Yeah...

~ Engineer has left the group chat~

Scout: Imma loner o.o


	5. Spy-Scouts Mum PM (1)

A/N: Just so you know. I call Scout's Mum Diana. I think it suits her and it makes things easier for me.

~ 12 pm~

Spy: Good afternoon my beautiful Mon Cheri

Diana: Oh hey Spy!

Spy: how are you?

Diana: I'm good now that you messaged me. How about you?

Spy: I am bored. But I think you can help with that~

Diana: ooh how can I help you~?

Spy: first I would like a lovely pic-

~ Engineer hacked his way into the chat (again)~

~ Engineer added Scout to the chat~

~ Engineer added Sniper to the chat~

Engie: Scout! Caught em right in the act!

Scout: now Spy is ded!

Diana: Scout, what are you doing?!

Scout: Um...kiling Spy...after dis...

Sniper: *dead

Sniper: *killing

Sniper: *This

Diana: Engie you have no right to hack into people's private chats! Bad Texan!

Engie: sorry mam, won't happen again.

Diana: It better not. Scout you will not touch Spy unless you want no weapons for a week!

Scout: yes ma...

Diana: and Sniper stop laughing and correcting people or so help me I will shoot your head off.

Sniper: sorry...

Diana: good! Now the three of you leave us alone!

~ Engineer left the chat~

~ Scout left the chat~

~ Sniper left the chat~

Diana: Now Spy...where were we~?

Spy: o.o


	6. Sniper-Scout-Engie Group Chat

~ Group chat created by Engineer~

Engie: So lemme get this straight...

Engie: Ya'll wanna get payback on Spy?

Scout: Yep can you help me hardhat?

Engie: sure can

Sniper: let me*

Sniper: You*

Sniper: want to*

Scout: Um...Engie what was da point of havin him in da chat?

Engie: I was hoping Sniper could help us.

Sniper: the*

Sniper: having*

Sniper: the*

Scout: -3-

Scout: Sniper if yous don't stop doin dat I'll tell the entire team that you make out with a stuff koala plushie~

Sniper: I-i do not!

Scout: what did I catch you doing last night?

Sniper: ...

Sniper: Fine, I'll stop. Now what do you need me to do?

Engie: maybe...

Scout: make dat french snake's life a livin hell with jarate.

Sniper: I like the sound of that. I'll do it.

Scout: sweet...by da way, why would you make out with a koala toy anyway?

Sniper: I wasn't making out with her...

Scout: den what were you doin~?

Sniper: ...

~ Sniper has left the group chat~

Engie: I think he has some issues.

Scout: yeah...

Engie: anyways see ya'll later when we do the plan!

~ Engineer has left the group chat~

Scout: o.o such da loner.


	7. Sniper-Spy PM (1)

~ 1:30 pm~

Spy: Filzy bushman! How dare you ruin my best suit with jarate?!

Sniper: War isn't a fashion show, mate. And besides, you can always clean it.

Spy: I hate you! I hope you BURN in hell!

Sniper: I think you're taking this badly.

Spy: Mark my words, bushman. I will get revenge for what you did.

Sniper: Sure sure.

Spy: Maybe I should slit Kelly's throat~

Sniper: Don't bring her into this!

Spy: Aw, did I hit a nerve?

~ Sniper is now offline~

Spy: Imbecile.

 _A/N: Sorry for not updating in a LONG time. Been so busy XD_


	8. Soldier - Scout PM (Engie and Sniper too

~ 12:30 pm~

Scout: Yo

Soldier: SCOUT YOU MAGGOT WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Scout: You went out to get beer remember?

Soldier: YES

Scout: do you have da beer?

Soldier: UHHHHHHHH

Scout: Soldier if yous do not have the beer yous a dead man

Soldier: I have the beer!

Scout: sweet see yous when yous get here den

Soldier: wait where am I going?

Scout: da base?

~ Engie hacked his way into the chat for the 3rd time~

~ Engie added Sniper~

Engie: sorry ya'll but Sniper has his "urges"

Scout: wait wut urges?!

Soldier: I HAVE THE BEAR!

Sniper: what*

Sniper: beer*

Engie: those urges ;) This meme aint overused just yet

Sniper: Ain't*

Engie: Now it is. -_-

Soldier: I JUST DRANK THE BEAR!

Scout: GOD DAMN IT SOLDEUR

Sniper: beer*

Sniper: Soldier*


End file.
